Russell and Duenes

Live with Your Wives According to Knowledge

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The apostle Peter tells husbands to “live together with your wives according to knowledge.” St. Paul commands husbands to love their wives by laying down their lives for them in the way that Christ laid down His life for the Church. Jesus says that husbands (and everyone else) must “deny themselves and take up their crosses.”

Christian husbands are often exhorted to study their wives, and this is good and right. How else can we live with them “according to knowledge” if we do not seek to know them? Yet we husbands might search our own hearts and see how much we truly seek to have knowledge and understanding of our wives. For if we come to a greater understanding of them, we might have to love them in ways that are inconvenient, or even quite difficult for us personally. We may discover that our wives are honored and helped by things that we, in our prior ignorance, didn’t know they needed; or that we would love them more faithfully by ceasing certain relational patterns and habits to which we have grown accustomed.

When the realization comes to us that living with our wives according to knowledge means greater self-denial and dependence on Christ than we had ever assumed, we will need God’s grace God in every increasing measure. And I hope we can say, without glib superficiality, that Christ stands ready to give such grace.

God is indeed “the strength of our hearts and our portion forever” (Ps. 73:26), and he will sustain husbands who cast their burdens upon Him. (Ps. 55:22). The burdens, frustrations, difficulties and pains may not go away, but we can know Christ more deeply because of them. And hopefully, we can further the holiness and happiness of our wives, and ultimately ourselves. “He who loves his wife, loves himself.” (Eph. 5:28).



Written by Michael Duenes

September 26, 2015 at 6:44 pm

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